SOME PEOPLE NEED A BOTTLE, TO CAST THEIR PAIN AWAY.
SOME PEOPLE RIDE IN FULL THROTTLE, TO ESCAPE FROM ALL THEIR SHAME.
SOME PEOPLE NEED A DOCTOR, TO GET THEIR DAILY HIT.
BUT HONEY, I JUST NEED A HEALER, AND IT SEEMS THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL FIT.
MY PURPOSE, MY HIGH, THE BRIGHTEST I SHINE, IS IN LOVE.
Before kardio dance on Saturday, I almost got physically sick, out of anxiety. It was one of only 3 classes that I've ever worried about my ability to perform, due to my state of emotional sadness. The first time time being when a tribe member passed, and another when a member's son was tragically paralyzed. This time, it was because all at once, I found out that 3 beings (one is my dog), were suddenly on the brink of death. I felt a sinking, deep, dark weight in my entire body.
As I got ready to teach, the member, who's son was paralyzed, shared a photo of him now, STANDING, with a girl. ;) He looked incredibly well and happy. Dawn (mom), was beaming from ear to ear.
It reminded me that there is always LIGHT, even in the suffering.
As the music and movement began, I immediately felt overwhelming freedom! The words of each of the songs brought a specific release of emotions. I knew, it was the only thing in the world that could bring me peace in the moment. The music, the people, movement, energy... It completely shifted my sadness.
I felt restored for half an hour on my way down to an event in the city. Then, I got news from Mike that things could be much more imminent with our pup. As I felt like I could have come crashing down, the friends I was with were my rock. In that moment I had a choice to panic and leave, or lean in on my chosen family, and pour into others who were suffering. (I was co-leading a fitness event to support victims in Houston).
I chose the light. Lean into each other in hope and healing. Just as my friend Tia said yesterday, the #1 thing you have to have is hope, otherwise you'll never find your way out.
That evening we had an event at the studio. At the event, a tribe member said, "Do you just look around this space, every day, with complete pride and joy in all that you've accomplished? ... I really hope you do."
The truth is that most days, I don't. The truth is, I carry with me a great amount of anxiety, fear, shame, doubt. But, the way in which I heal myself, is through shedding light on others. The way in which others heal me, is in their ability to connect in spirituality. It comes in the form of words, dance or simply their presence.
Recently I've had several conversations with spiritual people about being intune and aware of connections, and signs from the Spirit. And, in many conversations they have expressed how they see me as a LIGHT, full of hope and optimism.
WE HAVE TO HEAL FROM WITHIN AND FROM WITHOUT. We have to see every day as a chance to ReStart. And, since we are all suffering, each day (from hurricanes and 9/11 attacks to simple conflict with those that we love). It can overwhelm us with darkness... or we can shift to be a light to others, to heal them, and in return, ReStore ourselves.
I don't know what you're going through at the moment. I don't know the burdens that you carry with you. But, I am more than happy to offer you light: prayers, support, an ear to listen... Just message me.